VAYECHI: Each According to His Blessing

It is intuitive but not often said explicitly, but the Book of Bereishit is a book about children and siblings.  This said, a look back at the parasha of Toldot will open for us a window of light onto this week's portion.

It was known from the womb that Yaakov and Eisav were very different.  During her pregnancy, Rivka felt a war inside her body from the two distinct tendencies of her sons-to-be.

"When [Rivka] would pass by the doors [to the house of Torah study] of Shem and Ever, Yaakov would rush to leave [the womb and join their study].  When she would pass the doors [to the temples] of idol worship, Eisav would rush to leave [and join their idolatrous practices]." (Rashi 26:22 based on the Midrash)

Despite these early signs of their very different identities, it seems that Yitzhak and Rivka as parents did not address these differences until it was too late.  Only after "the youths grew up," did their differences come to light in a big way -- Eisav a איש שדה man of the field, a hunter, and Yaakov איש תם יושב אהלים a pure-hearted man, who dwelled in tents of study (26:27).

"All the while that they were young, their differences were not recognized in their actions, and no one paid too much attention to what their distinct natures were.  When they reached the age of 13, one turned to the house of study, and the other to the temples of idol worship."  (ibid Rashi quoting the Midrash)

At some point this oft-quoted midrash "clicks" ... Whoa!  That's a big change to go under the radar for 13 years!  That entire time they didn't notice any differences?!?  Nothing?!?

Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch presents this as a subtle, but sharp criticism of the parenting of Yitzhak and Rivka.  It is of essential and urgent importance that we realize that people are not one-size-fits-all.  People are deeply different.  Every soul that comes into the world is unique -- never before and never again.  Obviously every person has different strengths and tastes, but even more importantly, every person thinks differently, feels differently -- with totally different experiences of life itself!  If we ignore this and try to artificially squeeze every person into the same box, it will not last. 

This is what King Solomon is communicating in the cornerstone of Jewish education:

 חנוך לנער, על-פי דרכו גם כי-יזקין, לא-יסור ממנה 

"Educate the youth according to his way, [also] when he ages he will not stray from it." (Mishley [Proverbs] 22:6)

So often we want others to be what they're not, and delude ourselves that they can change.  Ironically, and sadly, gilding a personality with another one on top will eventually lead to either a depression or a violent rejection like that of Eisav who took to the field and idol-worshiping women.  Rav Hirsch continues to say:

"To try to bring up a Jacob and an Esav in the same college, make them have the same habits and hobbies, want to teach and educate them in the same way for some studious, sedate, meditative life is the surest way to court disaster.  A Jacob will, with ever increasing zeal and zest, imbibe knowledge from the well of wisdom and truth, while an Esav can hardly wait for the time when he can throw the old books, but at the same time, a whole purpose of life, behind his back, a life of which he has only learnt to know from one angle, and in a manner for which he can find no disposition in his whole nature." 

We often make the mistake that Judaism is just this: a one-size-fits-all box for everyone.  It is among the deepest and most unfortunate mistakes we can make, as much for a non-practicing Jew as the most "Orthodox" of Jews.

Torah and the mitzvot are not to be seen as chains to bind us, but rather the pallate of colors with which our different souls can paint a national mural together.  G!d gave us mitzvot to express the otherwise inexpressible subtleties of the soul, and the framework to do it together as the Jewish people, the בני ישראל the children of Israel.

This Rav Hirsch tells us was the greatness of Yaakov as a father:

When Yaakov Avinu visualized the tribes of our nation in his sons standing around his deathbed, he saw, not only future priests and teachers, he saw around him the tribe of the Levites, the tribes of royalty, or merchants, of farmers, of soldiers, before his mind's eye he saw the nation in all its most manifold characteristics and diverse paths of life, and he blessed all of them, and אִישׁ אֲשֶׁר כְּבִרְכָתוֹ, בֵּרַךְ אֹתָם "Each according to his [unique] blessing he blessed them" (49:28).

This is the vision with which the Book of Bereishit closes: the many colored tiles of the mosaic of the Jewish people.  This is the critical emphasis on individuality as we go from a family to a people, multiplying into millions under the slavery of Egypt.  And this is the vision -- and G!d's vision -- with which we have to see ourselves and see our fellow Jews as we color the Almighty's world with the infinitely special souls He gave us.