There are certain questions that whisper almost daily from the depths of our unconscious -- almost indiscernible amidst the clamor of our conscious lives, suggesting strange and even illicit behavior -- questions we would never voice out loud to anyone in polite company, yet tug with unnerving force at the fabric of our ethical principles. This week, we would like to articulate one such question.
"Why would we do such a thing?" you ask.
"I thought we were holding back from sharing these comments from 'polite company'...and certainly the distinguished readership of this blog would fall under that category..."
You're right. We were holding back from these types of questions... The problem is that between the mind and the heart is an enormous chasm -- between what we think and even say "we believe," and what is true in our heart of hearts. It is in this chasm that we fall short of our own ethical expectations, doing things we later regret with hindsight and a clearer mind, and it is precisely in this arena that we must ask those profound, seemingly heretical questions for truth to penetrate deeper into our hearts, and ultimately, our actions.
Here's our iconoclastic question of the hour:
What is so bad about lashon hara?
Just to make sure everyone is on the same page here: "lashon hara" is colloquially defined as "gossip," but is more precisely and halachically defined as:
"[the prohibition] to speak negatively about one's fellow, even if it is completely true" (Chafetz Chayim 1:1).It is just important to be clear from the outset that if any amount of lies are mixed together with any kernal of truth, immediately the prohibition enters into a different, even more severe category called "Motzi Shem Ra" (ibid).
It is much easier to understand why Motzi Shem Ra is considered to be problematic. It is what we call in English "slander," "smearing," "libel," etc. Here, it is clear that the person who is piling lies on top of lies about another that will cause his reputation harm, is considered the source of the other's damage. It is not surprising to us for defamation law to be standard in law books around the free world -- certainly in the U.S. The 1964 court-issued opinion in New York Times Co. v. Sullivan articulates that public officials could only win a suit for libel if they could demonstrate "actual malice" on the part of reporters or publishers. The definition of "actual malice" is articulated there as "knowledge that the information was false" or that it was published "with reckless disregard of whether it was false or not."
This sits well with our "common sense" and "moral compass" as being wrong... But, lashon hara?!? Merely reporting what we witnessed with our own eyes? It's true isn't it? The entire journalism industry is founded upon "getting to the bottom of the truth" and disseminating it! Don't tell me that the Torah is against Truth!!!
It seems that indeed the Torah is against telling the truth in certain cases -- radically against it. The Talmud Yerushalmi says quite unequivocally with respect to the famous three transgressions for which one must give up his life rather than transgress: murder, adultery & idolatry -- lashon hara is more severe than all of them (Peah 1:3, Rambam Hil' Deot 7:3).
This said, we can even ask our question a bit sharper:
Let's say you saw your neighbor Freddie furiously screaming at his wife as you deftly passed the aisle they were in at the supermarket. Freddie did so out of his own free will. If he's a jerk, it's because he chose to be! Now, the fact that you go and tell your wife about the incident you witnessed, that's his problem! He deserves it. That's what you get for being a jerk. Certainly, for being a jerk in public! One of the consequences is that people will find out. In fact, your spreading the word is actually an act of neighborhood heroism, punishing the wicked by letting others know about their evil acts. You should feel good about speaking lashon hara! You're a veritable agent of heaven, meting out punishment where it is fit...
Comical? Slightly.
More importantly for all of us is to ask ourselves the key question:
Deep down, in the dark recesses of our hearts, does any of this ring a bell? Does this line of reasoning remind us, even remotely, of the justification that flashes moments before the gossip spills out of our mouths?If so, we owe it to ourselves and to those around us to clarify in a profound way why this "logic" is false.
Din & Rachamim
It is these questions that emanate from the deepest parts of our our heart that naturally require the deepest answers to correct. We will have to give a few words of introduction in order to explain:
Life is hard. Our decisions bear consequences. In a nutshell, this is the distilled message of maturity. As a young person grows up, he starts to wake up to the realization that all those days that he skipped math class have landed him his current job pumping gas at the local Exxon station in town. In parallel, his classmate, who worked tirelessly to understand the material throughout high school, staying after class to speak to the teacher, late nights poring over the books, begins to taste the fruits of her efforts as she climbs the corporate ladder, with promotions in return for her diligence and valuable, acquired skills. The world functions under a set of rules. Rules which, in principle, are ruthless with regards to those who disobey them.
This is the nature of nature. "Survival of the fittest," in the words of biologists and genocidal tyrants alike.
In Torah terminology, this aspect of reality is called מדת הדין "middat haDin," literally, "the trait of Law." Things work according to strict rules -- unbending justice...
If you've noticed, in the first fly-through of creation, in the first chapter of the Torah, G!d is only referred to by His Name "Elohim," which is the same word we use for "judges" (see Shemot 21:6). Only after Shabbat, do we see Hashem's essential, proper name, "Y-H-V-H," which then appears throughout the Torah (Bereishit 2:4). Rashi explains this observation as follows:
שבתחלה עלה במחשבה לבראתו במדת הדין, ראה שאין העולם מתקיים, הקדים מדת רחמים ושתפה למדת הדין
"At first, it 'arose in [G!d's] thought' to create [the world] with midat haDin-Justice, He saw that the world would not be able to exist, [therefore] He first put midat haRachamim-Mercy and partnered it to midat haDin." (Bereishit 1:1)
In layman's terms:
In principle, Hashem wants to make life hard (the aspect of "Elohim") because only when we earn things through hard work -- when there are consequences to our actions, for better and for worse -- is there value to our achievement.* However, Hashem (the aspect of "Y-H-V-H") ultimately wants our success in the face of life's challenges -- our growth. And therefore, His רחמים-Mercy ensures that His דין-Justice does not crush us when we mess up.The difficulty of life, "middat haDin," is merely a tool, like a piece of exercise equipment, for us to develop and bring out our potential. However, it is Hashem's Mercy that is alluded to by His proper name "Y-H-V-H." "Y-H-V-H" is the way we refer to G!d, in the way you may refer to me as "Jack." Sometimes you may refer to me as "he" or "my friend" or "the guy who wrote this article" -- all of these refer to me, but the most precise, essential name is "Jack" (Kuzari beginning of ch 4). "Elohim" is a way to refer to G!d as Judge -- the Coach pushing us and judging our performance through the obstacle course of life, but "Y-H-V-H" refers to He Himself, the innermost aspect of that Coach that cares about us, and wants our long-term well-being and success.
A ruthless, uncaring coach will watch the weight bar fall on your chest, and say, "I told you so," "now you're going to learn your lesson." This is middat haDin detached from the place of care and concern -- it's actually what we call "evil" -- pure tit-for-tat, merciless "justice." Hashem, the Coach that cares about you, will of course want you to learn your lesson, but will not let that weight bar crush you because "it's your fault." Afterwards, He may speak to you sternly about the dangers of trying to lift more than you're capable, or even send you to run laps to drill the message into you -- this is a coach that cares about his student.
Our Judgment
Rachamim-Mercy does not toss Din out the window -- life continues to be hard and have consequences, but they are not immediate or completely crushing, and an opportunity is given to change our perspective and grow (Mesilat Yesharim end of ch 4). The word רחמים "Mercy" comes from the same root as רחם "womb," and has the same letters as מחר "tomorrow" (Zohar). Given that the individual right now understands his mistakes and wants to improve, Hashem will defer and mitigate his judgment, leaving room for the person to improve himself -- He keeps him in the warm comfort of the רחם "womb" knowing that מחר "tomorrow" he will be a more developed person. This comes from the Big Picture Perspective on our lives that Hashem sees us from. "Y-H-V-H," which is spelled י-ה-ו-ה, is understood by our Sages as an allusion to the fact that in the past היה, so much as the present הווה, and the future יהיה, Hashem knows where we've come from and who we're capable of becoming. His Love is expressed by His taking into account the Big Picture of our lives.
We, however, do not have such a perspective, nor such Infinite Love for one another.
We are now capable of answering our original question:
When Jimmy caught that glimpse of Freddie yelling at his wife as he rolled passed his aisle at the supermarket, all he saw was a single snapshot of Freddie. With that minuscule freeze-frame of Freddie's life, Jimmie already witnessed, judged and executed punishment, thus imprisoning Freddie in that place and time. As the dominoes fall and the word spreads in expanding social circles, Freddie is quarantined with more and more social barriers into that moment of weakness in which he allowed his bad mood to get the best of him and yell at his unsuspecting wife. Even if Freddie and his wife have long-since made up, people will always look at him a little differently because of Jimmy's comment to his wife. This is middat haDin-Strict Justice acting completely without Rachamim-Love. Without a flicker of concern for Freddie himself, Jimmy held his own private court case. He didn't think that maybe he could help him, speak to him, get someone else to try to speak to him and improve his marriage -- he straight away took the law into his own hands, here and now, without considering the Big Picture of Freddie's life and success.
If our goal in life is to become more like G!d, to love other people and try to see the Big Picture of who they are and who they're capable of becoming, lashon hara is the expression of the precise opposite.
Of course there are laws and consequences in life. In a בית דין, a Torah law court, with two witnesses, the proper court procedure, with all the fail-safes, we are able to enact Hashem's law here on earth. The Talmud always refers to the Torah as רחמנא, "the Merciful." It's well-known how difficult it is to be convicted of capital crimes in a Torah court. This is because we carefully follow Hashem's instructions for executing Judgement with Mercy. Lashon hara, even when it's true, and certainly when it's embellished with lies and assumptions, is a distortion of all of this. It goes against the very fiber of what makes the universe work -- the space Hashem gives us to grow and and become the people we are capable of becoming.**
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*Without going into the metaphysical details of this, we all intuitively remember the disappointment of discovering that Mark McGuire took performance enhancing drugs, and Samy Sosa used a corked bat, and Barry Bonds even "unwittingly" used steroids...the way we looked at their achievements, even if despite this they deserved great respect, were profoundly sapped of meaning.
**This explanation is based upon the answer to the same question given by the Chafetz Chayim in his introductions to Chafetz Chayim and Shmirat haLashon.
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